The mommy wars

My husband is finally starting to understand what I went through for 3 years being a stay at home mom (sahm). The feelings of loneliness, not knowing what day it is, and needing a break from the kids. Neither of us wanted to be stay at home parents when we became them. I was due to the fact I was pregnant with number 3, we were going to have 3 under 5, he was working 60 + hours a week, and I really didn't want to pay $400 a week for private preschool and day care. Plus he had been bugging me for 2 years or more to stay at home with the girls. He is staying at home because he is disabled due to multiple sclerosis.

When I was a sahm I did everything cooked all the meals walked the kids to and from preschool and school, cleaned the house, did the yard work, ran the errands, took the kids to their practices, games, and lessons. And yet I didn't have the satisfaction I got from working. I missed adult interaction and feeling as if I had accomplished something that day. I was secretly excited to go look for a job after the big guy couldn't work any more.

Now that he's been home for almost a year he's starting to realize what I ment when I said I just need a break, or I needed 5 minutes to myself. He has to ask me what day of the week it is sometimes. I laugh when he's trying to figure out supper at 9am, something he HATED that I did.

But yet he doesn't get the full effect of being a stay at home parent. He can't drive, he can't do some things without losing his balance, his last episode left him in almost constant pain. So its back to being on me to do everything plus work. He doesn't do any house work or yard work, sometimes he'll cook, and he takes care of the kids while I sleep.

This morning he tried to give me a list of things to do before I fell asleep for the day. He seemed a little agitated when I told him that it wasn't happening and I'd deal with it later. I know that as a sahm I would get mad when he didn't help when I was over whelmed and he didn't understand why I was. Now at least he does.

I'm now a firm believer in that at some point in time BOTH parents should have to stay at home. But also the one that isn't at home to have to work. This way they both can understand the feelings that come with both being a stay at home parent and a working parent. Being a sahm isn't for everyone, and it certainly wasn't for me, hopefully the big guy will adjust to it better than I did.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

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2 Responses

  1. First let me say, you have a great blog. Thanks for following me on Twitter.I related to this post so much. I am currently a SAHM, and it is NOT for me (though I wish it were). I had been one in the past, then my husband and I had a role reversal, now it's back to me again…only we moved to a different state in the process – one where we don't know a single soul.I'm sorry to hear about your husband. Both my mother and my sister have MS. It is not easy on the family. I give you a lot of credit. (And I give him a lot of credit, too…caring for children when you have MS is not easy)Take care…and Happy Blogging!

  2. That wasn't supposed to be anonymous…how are you supposed to know which person you followed on Twitter??? The Name/URL link isn't working.Thank you again…Great Blog!Debbiestarrynightmoms.com

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